end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
