and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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