That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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