And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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