I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
