I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
