Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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