Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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