i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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