Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
