You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ugly people sure do ruin things
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
