I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
