just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
