he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
