dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
