Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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