Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
