How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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