you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
