Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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