It's like God shit irony all over that family
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
