Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
