Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
