After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
