I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
