i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
