those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
