She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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