I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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