We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
