we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
