Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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