i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
