True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
