The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
