i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
