just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
