I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
