I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't deserve a penis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
