his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
