Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
