im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
