just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
