the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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