you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
