is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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