I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
