She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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