I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
