don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
