my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
