People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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