And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
