there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
