A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
